Role of Grandmother blog #10 Life Begins at Ninety

Coming back from a perfect visit to my grandchildren in Los Angeles, I had time to think: what is the role of a grandmother after 90?

Nika with granddaughter Tali, 7 months pregnant

Nika enjoying visit with grandson Amir Magal (left), granddaughter  Tali Magal, and son Will Fleissig
in Los Angeles, Novembert 2014

 

We are taking up space.  We are using up Social Security.  We are beyond what we used to be – a woman, lover, nurturer, teacher.

What is the point of us, if we are fairly healthy, making any kind of sense?

 

My first thought is that we have to take the time to listen to our grandchildren.  The parents have to make a living and can’t spare that time.  But the growing-up young children need to hear themselves tell about their future plans and dreams.

Someone has to listen.  Who is more perfect for that than a loving grandmother?

 

She can use her experience of a lifetime, to help her grandchildren, or in the community, or cheer up a few people who are not so happy, and so not to feel completely useless here on earth. 

 

Our companions have usually passed away.  We are left alone, but we are really in control of our lives, for the first time --- financially independent, if we are lucky!  And we can help in many ways.

 

Very important, we can also learn new things, even though we thought we knew everything!

Every day I am learning new things, seeing new art, having new ideas, trying different foods.

Whatever we were used to, we have to forget it and try new stuff.  That keeps one young.

 

That eliminates removing myself to a most elegant “retirement” home that is a slow death without any purpose, except eating, sleeping, and keeping doctors happy, and making lots of money for the owners of those homes.

Why not, for half the money, hire help in your own familiar surroundings, amid all the things you’ve assembled all your life?

Why be a complete stranger among all strangers, who are miserable in those homes? Perhaps this works for some people, but I don't relish the thought.

 

I don’t think I’m going to be very popular in certain circles, because most money is made on the growing old population.

 

I also think that when the time comes when you feel you cannot take care of yourself, you have the right to belong to a society that can help you leave this world with dignity.  There is no reason why we have to suffer.  We are entitled to die in dignity.

 

I belong a group called Dignitas, located in Switzerland.  My aunt and cousin also belong.  It believes in dying in dignity, and not to suffer.

By the way, many Swiss people are fighting it and giving the group trouble, just like here.

 

P.S.  I hope that lots of professional people will read this blog and think about how the current situation can be changed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- Nika Fleissig

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