Nika’s Blog Life Begins
at Ninety #22 COURAGE
As we know, the Wizard
of Oz doesn’t exist and cannot give us courage, a heart, or a brain. In
that case, when we grow up we have to find out where the quality of courage is
and how to acquire it.
When you are very young
you have no power. When you become a
teenager or young adult suddenly situations arise where you have to fight for something.
Nothing comes by itself. Or, you have the choice just to let things go as they
are, and then either complain or accept it. To find out who you really are only
happens through adversity, I think. When you see injustice, do you look the
other way or object to it, or fight for what you believe in? I believe this
courage and strength to fight and challenge and object for what you believe is
right stays with you the rest of your life... this strength. That also fits
when you are married; fighting for your children. e.g. In Europe and
Switzerland, punishments are pretty old fashioned.
Here is a small example
from our family life. When my son and daughter were in Gstaad, Switzerland, in a
kinderheim (“children’s home” boarding school or summer camp) as young
children, the supervisor punished my son, then 6 years old, by putting him to
bed during the day. These mademoiselles took care of children for many years,
as this was a very established boarding school year round. I asked myself if I had the courage to tell
them they are wrong. I decided to fight for my son. I said,
“I do not want to teach
you your business, but there are many ways to correct a child. I love my
bed, and I don’t want him to hate his bed forever. Could you find a
different punishment?” So here is what came of it – my son was put to
clean the mud from 30 pairs of hiking boots. I must congratulate the lady
in charge. Instead of being angry she said, “I never thought about it that way.
Thank you.”
Daughter Alicia
adds: “I’ll never forget that morning at
the kinderheim coming to breakfast and not seeing my little brother in the
dining room. I searched, and finally found him down in the cellar where they
kept all the hiking boots lined up, caked with mud from the last
excursion. There was Willy, a tiny 6
year-old in a bathrobe, with a brush and cloth, cleaning off the hard mud from rows
of heavy boots. He looked up at me with
a pitiful expression, and my heart melted. But he finished his task, and came
up to breakfast, proclaiming that he now knew how to shine boots the very best
way. I was proud of how he handled it. I
never knew that our mother had talked to the mademoiselle in charge (she was a
bit frightening, at least to us) to alter the punishment. We did have fun there most of the time,
learned some French, took incredible hikes in the surrounding mountains, and
adjusted to what we thought were odd customs, like how to hold one’s fork and
knife; keeping the same cloth napkin in a ring for several days, taking naps
every day outside after lunch…. By the
way, I was always careful to scrape mud as much as possible off of my boots when
returning from a hike after that, although Willy never had to shine them up
again.
During their growing up
years these situations came up often in the children’s regular school, and you
have to pick your battles….not complain about everything. But I found
that I had fought injustice since I was little. Now... does one learn this or is
it an innate quality? I am convinced that everything we have is in us;
only the situation calls for action and then you find out who you are... brave
or afraid. I have a feeling this also applies in business and in every
relationship. To stand up for what you believe in takes courage... and yet you also
have to know when to bend and have a sense of humor... what is important and
what is not. It is easy to blame other circumstances
and people when one doesn’t succeed in some effort... it could be because you
lacked courage. Never blame other people. Rather, look inside of
yourself.
When the Yom Kippur War broke
out in 1973 in Israel, my husband Fred wanted to send a ticket for Alicia to
return home, as she was living and working in Jerusalem at that time. I
said, “We shouldn’t interrupt her decision-making as an adult. She has to
experience real life. I forbad him from sending the ticket.
Remember he had lost a wife and child in WWII. My daughter as an adult had the
right to make a decision.
Daughter Alicia
adds: If you can believe this, I felt
almost a sense of relief when that war broke out. Now, I was much much safer in Israel
than my mother had been in Poland during the Second World War, but it was a war
nevertheless. In some unconscious way I
had been paralleling my mother’s life in my mind. When I was 18, I went off to college, but
somewhere in my mind I was aware that these were the years my mother was in the
shadow of war. When I was 25 and already
a teacher of French in an upscale Connecticut high school, I asked myself, “At
this age, my mother was liberated, came to the US, started a new life after
losing her whole family, and here I am teaching rich kids French. What am I doing for my own people?” A few months after that, I made arrangements
to spend six months on a kibbutz, learning Hebrew and exploring what life is
like in Israel. At the end of the ulpan
work-study program in Israel, I moved to Jerusalem, signed up for the
government tour guide course, and began work at the one Israeli television
station that existed at that time. When
war broke out in October of 1973, I telexed my father at his office that I was
staying. I cut my hair short, took over
several jobs at the TV station since most of the men were called to the front,
helped the mothers with their children in the apartment building where I lived,
cleared and prepared the safe area under the stairwell in case of air raids,
and felt that finally I was proving myself. After that I felt I was an adult,
and ready to marry. In 1974 I did marry
Itzhak Magal who left the kibbutz and worked in TV and film. We had two children in Jerusalem before moving
to Los Angeles in late 1978. I showed a different kind of courage from my
mother, and am still learning on which occasions to stand up for justice, in
our family, congregation, community, and larger world issues.
- Nika Fleissig
Please Read My Blog Here:
http://www.lifebeginsat90.blogspot.com/
Order our book, From Miracle To Miracle: A Story of Survival (via PayPal):
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Please view my art here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nikafleissig/
Please Read My Blog Here:
http://www.lifebeginsat90.blogspot.com/
Order our book, From Miracle To Miracle: A Story of Survival (via PayPal):
http://www.FromMiracleToMiracle.com
Please view my art here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nikafleissig/
